ROLE PLAYING: How To Be Your Husband's Side-Chic

Hi lovelies,

So the term 'side-chic' has been coming up a lot lately, and even though its not a new concept, it seems to have taken a new turn.

Lots of married women are complaining about 'side-chics', and some single ladies are not even aware they have been made 'side-chics' (those men!!!!!! we probably need to send them to planet saturn 😆.

Below is a youtube video i did, talking about how to become your husband's side chic.

I have received lots of mixed responses on this video, but feel free to drop a comment about what you think.





One Love
xxxxxxx

#GIRLCHITCHAT :Should a Woman Make the First Move?

Hi lovelies,



I know I deserve an award for absenteeism! its been ages I posted on this blog.

But here's what I have been up to. I started a YouTube Channel in February about Beauty, Health and DIY. I also started a #GirlsChitChat series.



Below is an episode of the series.

Please watch, like and subscribe.



One Love

xoxo

When LOVE becomes foolishness

Anyone who has truly experienced love would testify to the fact that they've at one time or another been foolish.
These people actually realize how foolish they have been when they look back in retrospect at the things they did, or things they permitted in one relationship or the other.

Almost every woman i have met and have had the opportunity to discuss relationships with, have testified about how they were once foolishly in love.

So many times,a lot of people accommodate constant lies, physical abuse, cheating, theft, sexual abuse just in the name of love.

These foolishness most often times end when the relationship comes to an end, or when the 'foolish' party wakes up from their slumber. Needless to say, it is not a one-sided affair. Men as well as Women have been foolishly in love.

Or what would you say about a guy who is crazily in love with a lady that he invests his life savings in putting her through school, and making sure she is well fed and clothed, only to find out that the same girl has another boyfriend who she sees as her main 'boo'. While the foolish guy is seen as 'mugu'.

The stories are endless of the foolishness of people when in love.I have been foolish in love, and so also a whole lot of us.

I recently read a story about a lady who is foolishly in love with a guy, who confided in her that he has a girlfriend, but is having issues with the girl, hence his affair with this new girl. Mind you, he is already having sex with this new girl, spends weekends at her apartment (am sure he eats free food), and is also borrowing money from her. But, he receives phone calls from the main girlfriend in the presence of the new girl, and even professes love to the main girlfriend. Do you see that the new girl is foolish?

Of course its not a new thing, Love and foolishness did not start today,and will not end tomorrow.
Howbeit, the most foolish people i have seen who claim to be in love is when, on party is physically abusive and they say..'Oh I love him/her, i know him/her didn't mean to hit me. He/She will change'

This kind of foolishness is the type that leads one to the grave. With the increasing case of violence in the home, i would not categorize people in the above scenario as being foolishly in love. I would say, they are insane, and do not love themselves.

If you have ever been foolishly in love, can you share your story?


One Love!!!

Violence against women...Is it on the Increase?

This is holy rage.

Yesterday while surfing the internet, i came across this story of a woman : Monica Butler Johnson who was  beaten to death by her ex-husband David Johnson. Here's the news extract;

"A murder rooted in domestic violence has a neighborhood stunned and the sheriff in Ascension Parish furious. 

According to the Ascension Parish Sheriff’s Office, deputies responded to call of a domestic dispute around 11 p.m. Sunday at a house in the Parks of Dutchtown subdivision in Geismar. 

What they found was a shattered back door and the body of 45-year-old Monica Butler Johnson in the back yard. According to Sheriff Jeff Wiley, she had been bludgeoned to death with a baseball bat. 

Investigators say the victim hosted a graduation party for her eldest son earlier in the day. Hours later, deputies say her estranged husband, 38-year-old David Johnson, broke in and attacked her with a baseball bat. Johnson also allegedly beat the victim’s son when he tried to intervene, breaking the 18-year-old’s arm, before fleeing the area.   

Monica’s son and his younger brother ran to neighbors for help.

"My husband hugged the kids and told them they would be ok. We did what we could do as a parent, as a neighbor," said neighbor Christalyn Delaney.

Johnson was arrested around 1 a.m. Monday by West Baton Rouge Parish Deputies. He has been charged with first degree murder, attempted first degree murder, violations of protective orders, and aggravated burglary with a weapon and has been booked into the Ascension Parish Jail.

He is currently awaiting arraignment.

David Johnson previously worked for the East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff's Office as a full-time deputy from July 1997 to May 2003. According to spokeswoman Casey Hicks, he left EBRSO to go to school for physical therapy. He then later worked at a home health place.

Court documents show Monica was working through the legal system to protect herself from her estranged husband. She even obtained a restraining order against Johnson last month, and it was still active when she was killed. APSO records show a history of domestic violence abuse, including a previous arrest of Johnson on December 31, 2014 where he was charged with domestic abuse strangulation."

Now my question is, why is domestic violence on the increase, in spite of more awareness in the society.

I feel so pained that this woman's life was cut short by a man she once loved.....and a man who once loved her.....

What do you think is the reason, please share with me.

culled from: www.wafb.com

Older guy vs age group

Hello dearies

Trust you've been in good spirits.
Recently I was gisting with a friend of mine and our discussion veered into age difference between couples. She was of the opinion that much older men are more patient, understanding and matured especially in dealing with their wife and the challenges that come with marriage. I thought it had nothing to do with age but rather personality, and experience in life.

She shared about how her husband is 6 years older than her and how he is so matured and 'acts' appropriately. After the discussion, I looked critically at my life, my hubby and my past relationships.

My husband took a good number of years from me and I think that contributes to his being able to 'deal' with my drama.hehehe. I must say, I frustrate him sometimes, although not intentional. His being very patient with me...so am thinking, is it because of his age( which I think is nothing but numbers) or is it because of the type of person he is?

After thinking, I am of the opinion that it boils down to who he is and his experiences in life.

Reason being that, I have being in relationships where there was a big age difference...and it was hell... Also, my age group and it was ok.

But I have generally heard that older guys are more matured and know how to respect a woman compared to their younger counterpart.

Even men say older women treat them better than their age group...
I sort of agree that older women treat men better.

What do you think about it?
I'ld like to hear your views.

One Love!!!

Dont blank out your spouse.

Growing up I used to be a snob..or so people thought. But in actual fact, i wasnt snobbish..I just wasn't very warm to people I didn't know. I would keep my distance and watch from afar..and when am comfortable I would come close.

• 

But, I knew very well how to give the cold treatment and coil into my shell if someone hurt me...but as I grew I realised its not a good communication strategy. Actually, now am of the opinion that you should react and voice out your pain and anger when you're hurt.

Now, I said all the above to say that...'you could blank out your spouse' or vice versa unknowingly.

More particularly...you could be unconsciously cutting off your spouse from your life...and we all know what that could lead to ..

So what does it mean to blank your spouse? Blanking your spouse means when you're deliberately not talking to your spouse because you're angry and then it worsens into a situation where you don't share your dreams, aspirations, challenges, fears, hopes anymore with him/her.

After a while, it becomes an unconscious thing for you to take personal decisions without discussing with your spouse.

Have you ever been in this situation? I know I have. The effect of this is that, the closeness and bond you share with your spouse begins to wane. Now when that bond wanes, its like a  crack in the wall..and the lizard can creep in.

The lizard could be so many things, major of which is infidelity.

It has become sort of a cliché that communication is key in Marriage, so I won't bore you with how important communication is.

Finally, as some embark on this journey of marriage or some continue in it, please remember to be open about your emotions to your spouse.

Anyone with stories of how blanking out has affected their relationship, please holla...or if you have some advice for us...I'll be delighted.

One Love!!!

Fire on the mountain

The popular Nigerian musician Asa...sang a song that goes thus ' there is fire on the mountain, and nobody seems to be on the run....there is fire on the mountain top and no one is a running...'.

The phrase 'fire on the mountain',denotes trouble...so today am going to be writing about a scenario in marriage that denotes 'fire on the mountain'


Sometime during the week I heard a story that sparked a thought in my head.
The husband of this woman is buying properties and investments in his name and his father's name. Grrhhhhhhhhhh....ring any bell? He's married and has kids...so why is he not buying using his name and his wife's or his kids name

So let's talk.....isn't that a cause for alarm? I mean....what if something happens to him? What happens to the properties? His argument is that they are legally married hence even if its in his name, then it belongs to them both...Really? In Nigeria? Is that how the legal system works?

Let's assume the man makes a will...before death...isn't a will contestable?

I have seen cases where, after the death of the man, the family take over the properties and leave the wife and kids with nothing. This is prevalent in Nigeria..hence the reason most sensible and sincere men buy properties and investments in the names of their children or in the name of husband and wife I.e 'Mr and Mrs'..

So when a man deliberately buys properties in his own name or in his father's name...then there is fire on the mountain.

So what should she do?

Well for starters, she needs to confront the man and ask him questions about their marriage, his plans for his kids and herself.

Secondly, she needs to start having  a backup financial plan. Some money saved up, or start a business or get a job; so that she can be financially independent.

Thirdly and most importantly she needs to pray. Prayvabout her home and the future of her marriage.

I'll like to hear from you my readers. What's your thought on this.


One Love!!!

#teeteemoviereview 4: Addicted

Its another weekend again......yeahhhhhhh!!!! and its time to wake up late, relax, do your house chores and watch a movie!!

So last month I watched this very interesting movie, and I think you'll enjoy watching it too.

Before I proceed, please do not watch this movies with kids around. It is rated 18.

Addicted is an erotic thriller movie that deals with infidelity in a marriage.  Unlike what most people think, its the woman who did the cheating.

The movie stars a lot of black casts like Tyson Beckford ( a supermodel), Sharon Leal ( Tyler Perry's 'Why Did I Get Married'), Boris Kodjoe (Kevin Hart's 'Real Husbands of Hollywood'), and those of you who are addicted to Mexican Soap Operas or Telemundo will be familiar with William Levy.

The movie follows the story of  a seemingly successful black woman who has a thriving business, loving husband ( the kind we all want), and beautiful kids. Underneath that beautiful life is her need for sex 24/7...I mean she literally cannot discipline herself.  She is a nymphomaniac.

Later on in the movie, I discovered she has sex with her husband like 2 to 3 times everyday, and she aint satisfied, and am like What????????? Anyways, since her hubby wasn't giving her enough of what she wanted, she had to go outside her marriage to get it, and of course things got ugly.  In fact very ugly.


For those of you who appreciate fine clothing.. you'll love the wardrobe of the lead actress, and the décor of her home. However, this movie has lots of sex scenes. Quite frankly, I never expected to see the lead actress (Sharon Leal) act such a sexually charged movie, with lots of sexual scenes and nudity.

Another eye catcher in the movie is Boris Kodjoe..my my, that guy is good looking and very fit. (Reminds me of my hubby. lol)


For me, the most important lesson from the movie is Communication in Marriage.

I sincerely think, the movie was well acted. Even though its a low budget film...and it made profit at the Box Office. As per ratings, it didn't do too well. But, notwithstanding, its a very interesting movie to watch, especially for couples.

#teetee'sRatings: 7

Anyways, please watch the movie and let me know your thoughts.

#RealityCheck- Why are Women SO Gullible

Please mind my anger as i write this post. Its just that an VEXED to my teeth.. As in, i cant just understand why women can be so gullible.

Is it that we refuse to learn from Life, or other people's mistakes? Or is it that we deceive ourselves into thinking it's not gonna happen to us, or we won't make the same mistakes twice?

'Chai.......this na holy anger oooo'.

So here's the gist,

This is a true life story that someone i know told me. I told her i was going to share it on my blog, and she had no objection, except that i don't use her real name.

She was in JS 2 in the village when she met her boyfriend. He was also a student in the school. It was young love. The kind of love that makes you think the world will end if you don't see each other. Am sure a lot of us watch movies like that on Africa Magic, where Ini Edo's character is hopelessly in love with Jim Ikye's character, and they take a blood oath that they will love each other till death do them part. 'hian'.... well it was that kind of love.

This love blossomed for a while until about 9 months later, when she was in JS 3 and he in SS 3 that she got pregnant. Nneoma was very optimistic that her lover boy, Ugo, would accept the pregnancy and they would start their life in the Village, with hopes of a better tomorrow..hehehehe...this thing called 'HOPE'

Well, Nneoma was shocked to the marrow when Ugo told her to go abort the pregnancy, because he wants to finish his education, and isn't ready for Fatherhood or Husband hood yet.( But he knew how to do the things husbands do. hehehehe). Nneoma refused to abort the pregnancy, and as their custom is, her relations took her to Ugo's father's house as a new bride, whose bride price had not been paid.

So it was, that she was living with Ugo's family as a forced new wife. During this period, Ugo finished his secondary school, and left the village to Abuja, in search of greener pastures. He did not accept responsibility of the child,neither did he fend for Nneoma or her unborn child.

Nneoma was heartbroken..(am sure you can picture a village girl with big tummy, crying herself to sleep, refusing to eat and wishing for the ground to open up and swallow her.) After 9 months she gave birth to a baby girl.

And as is the tradition of women. (God bless us, we are strong and full of character). She started working to take care of her child. She farmed, wove cane baskets, made brooms, fried cassava flour..did all sorts just to make ends meet.

Fast forward to 2 years later, Ugo shows up in the village, meets her ,apologises for all his wrong doings,buys her gift and promises to take care of her and the daughter, because as he claims, he now works as a security guard in a big company in Abuja. Nneoma, being an innocent, naive, love-struck girl welcomes him back into her life and gives him a chance.(Nothing wrong with that)

Before you say Jack Robinson....Nneoma is pregnant AGAIN...and you know what....Ugo told her to abort the pregnancy a second time.....she refused..and he took to his hills...Zap!!!! He left the village and went back to Abuja... so dear Nneoma is left AGAIN with a pregnancy and a child to take care of.
This time around she tried aborting the pregnancy, but it was unsuccessful. She almost lost her life in the process.

Her family called Ugo's number several times, he didnt pick...and his family refused to have anything to do with Nneoma...

So my dear pitiable Nneoma, is heavy with no money. Her elder sister who lives in a suburb in abuja, told her to come to Abuja. So that was how i met her and her sister relayed the story.

My question to her was HOW? WHY? How did she allow herself to be fooled AGAIN?

Now some of you may say, its because she's naive, or because she is a village girl. But i have actually met some intelligent women, who do some stupid things, and accept some rubbish in the name of LOVE.

For example, it never ceases to amaze me, why a woman would be all over a man who clearly doesn't love her. Or a man who beats her black and blue..or a man who is always collecting money from her in the name of 'help', or a full grown adult man who dates a full grown grown woman for years without defining their relationship, or a full grown man who says 'i love you' but am not sure your the right woman for me..after dating for 2 years, can we continue our relationship while i figure out my feelings......Heck No.

Then, i asked myself the question..Why are women so gullible? WHYYYYY

Dear Woman, Please Be Patient..Patience is a Virtue.

Dear Woman,

Please be patient.

I am writing you this letter. Yes You Woman reading this post, or you Man who has a wife, girlfriend, sister, daughter, niece, friend, female colleague etc.

This is a letter from my heart to you. I write you this letter because God laid it in my heart to share with you what he has been teaching me these past months.

Can i ask you a question? Please answer sincerely within your heart? Do you have challenges you cant talk to anyone about? Do you have challenges you have been praying to God about? Do you sometimes think that God doesn't hear your prayers? or may be His not just ready to answer you yet? Or maybe you are not praying well? Do you? If you do? or maybe He answers, but you haven't heard him? then my dear friend..i have good news for you.

Its called Patience.

In the past couple of months i have learnt a few lessons from my life experiences, and one of those lessons is Patience.

I have actually learnt to be patient with life's situation, especially when i know i have prayed to God about it. I have learnt that God cannot be rushed and His timing is perfect.

I have learnt that He (God) wants us to be patient with HIM, and not expect a NOW NOW response at all times. Of course, they are some things that God would do for us NOW NOW, but there are some that require patience.

A part of the bible actually says our light afflictions are for a while..that means our light afflictions require a little bit of time,hence patience from us.

One thing i have come to realize is that, eventually it would turn out JUST right. Please don't get me wrong...some things require QUICK action, but some things require patience....because 'its working out for our good'

So, in your marriage, you need patience, in your career..patience, in your finances...patience, dealing with friends..patience, dealing with in-laws..patience, achieving your dreams...patience, requiring a miracle..patience.

Hey!!! I hope i don't sound all spiritual and emotional ..loll.....its just sometimes, there's need for sober reflection.

So i say, God bless you SILLY!!

Why Do People Change After Saying 'I Do'

Hi Dearies,


Have you ever wondered, why it is that your spouse or partner seem to have changed after marriage?
.

Recently i heard a story of man who said his wife used to be the bubbly, loving romantic type until they got married, after marriage she became cold and unloving.

I have also heard many women complain about their husband not been as loving, sensitive and caring as he was before they got married.

Its like before marriage the guy is a friend, easy going, not bossy, accepts all things, always ready to compromise etc..but soon after they say 'I Do' he becomes bossy, master of the home, Goliath-like, not willing to compromise, commanding etc.

So I ask myself the question, what CHANGES after saying I DO?

What makes the man change, or what makes the woman change? So after much pondering, and a few consultations with married friends, i have come to the conclusion that, PRETENCE is a culprit.

Mind you, i didn't say, PRETENCE is THE culprit. Because, i believe there are so many other reasons. But for the purpose of this post, i will only write about PRETENCE

So how does PRETENCE contribute to the changes after the wedding ceremony? If a woman or man is not real to his/wife partner while dating or courting then what you have is PRETENCE. So what is PRETENCE? To answer this question let us look at these scenarios;

a. PRETENCE is when you accept a lifestyle you would not naturally accept because you don't want to loose a man/woman e.g. As a woman, your man smokes or drinks and you don't like it. Instead of addressing the issue,you go ahead to marry him, hoping he would change.

b. PRETENCE is when you refuse to get angry or show your anger when your partner does something that naturally would anger you. e.g. He keeps you waiting for over 1 hour for a date. You are very angry, but when he shows up, you mask it up with a smile and you don't let him know you are not happy about it.

c. PRETENCE is when you try to please a woman at all cost, even to your detriment eg. You cant afford to buy that new iPhone for your girlfriend, because it would dent your pocket. But you go ahead to buy her the phone, and such other gifts, even though you cant really afford it. So after marriage, she asks for such gifts, and then you turn her down. Do you think she would understand?

d. PRETENCE is when while dating a lady you always eat out, because she doesn't like to cook. Meanwhile, as a man, you prefer home cooked meals. You marry her and expect a Miracle?

The list is endless....am sure a whole lot of us know one or two scenarios that fit.

So imagine, after dating/courting in PRETENCE, then you get married. Of course, you cant keep the charade for long.  The man who likes home made '*Amala with Ewedu Soup' will show his true color.

The woman who is naturally lazy, but was forming 'hardworking..i-can-do-it-all mentality' will also show her true self.

Or the lady who is prim and very neat, but goes ahead to marry a guy who is scattered and clumsy, all in the name of marriage will eventually get fed-up with his clumsy attitude. Definitely she will start getting irritated and upset.

All these people will show their true color, and their respective others will say..Oh HE has CHANGED, or Oh SHE has CHANGED..

Common people, lets be real..I mean no need to hide your true self from your partner. If S/He loves you, s/he would accept you for who you are. Irrespective. Isn't that what love is all about.


Do you agree or disagree with me? Please share your thoughts.

Thanks for dropping bye..One Love!!!


picture credits: google
*Amala with EweduSoup is a nigerian meal, made with yam flour and corchorus leaves

A Husband Material Kinda-Man

This is for the Single Ladies...Yoooooo!!!!

Being single is a wonderful beautiful experience. Its fun, its exciting. It's that time you get to discover yourself, your values, your goals,have fun, enjoy friendships and mingle freely....

However, in the midst of the fun you are having, you want to transition to being a 'MRS'. Its very important to know when you have met the potential 'Mr Right'.
You need to know when to get serious with a guy that is lurking around you. Truth be told, there are techniques and strategies that can help you 'hook' that guy. But the important question is how then do you know if that guy is the one, or how do you ascertain he is husband material?  

Here are my 5 sure signs that he is a husband material kinda-man;

1. He is matured   
  
ma·tu·ri·ty - noun 

1.the state of being mature; ripeness: The fruit will reach maturity in a few days

2. full development; perfected condition: maturity of judgement; to bring a plan to maturity

Based on the dictionary meaning above, Maturity cannot be pegged to age. So therefore, a man is 33 years old, doesnt make him matured. A guy of 25 years old can be said to have attained full development ( physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, and sexually) if he makes sound judgement.

Ladies, a guy who is not matured cannot function properly in marriage. He is a No-No..definitely not the Husband Material Kinda-Man 

I saw the Signs..YET i went ahead and married him..and YES i regret it.....

Happy New Month to you my lovely peoples. 

I ought to have sent in this post last Friday, but i had a crazy time at work. My project is at a crucial point,and needs all the attention. But here i am with yet another interesting piece.

I want to thank all my supporters and readers alike. Those people who give me positive and negative critic. I appreciate you. The idea for this story i am about to write was given to me by one of such supporters.

All names are fictitious. Any semblance to a real life scenario or situation is purely coincidental.

My name is Chinny, i am 27 years old. I was one of the lucky ones who got into the University immediately after Secondary School. I graduated from the University at the age of 22, as . I studied as an accountant and became chartered in 2010.

Whilst in the University, i was a fun lover. You can call me the 'life' of a party. Wherever i am, there's always fun. I loved to make everyone around me feel good and happy. No dull moment with me.

After my service year in Uyo, i got retained in an Oil Servicing Firm. Life was good. I was earning good money and enjoying my self..until i met Henry.

Happily Married to Money

 Shalom to y'all..Its another Friday..a very wet one in my part of the world.Irrespective of the rain, its a very beautiful day.. and i have a nice piece for you today. This story of interest to me because it reiterates what i have always believed in, that is...life deals with each one of us differently..We each have our races to run...not competing with the next person, but with ourselves to become a better person. 

Here is a story of a charming lady..by all means she seems the luckiest in the whole world...but read her story and see how life deals with her..

Don't forget to drop your comments down below..they're very welcome.

One Love  xxx

 

My Life is beautiful. I am blessed, rich and beautiful.... Oh i also drive the latest Range Rover Sport in color Red, and i have 2 beautiful kids. Did i mention that i travel on vacation to any country of the world every quarter of the year? If you ain't loving my life you better do!!.

*******************************************************************************
I am pretty, i wear only designers. From top to bottom. All my friends envy me, they flock around me every time. I throw lavish parties, my kids go to the best schools in the world. What is gold...it means nothing to me..i have a closet full of gold earrings and neck pieces... I am just living the life.. I walk on red carpet, my skin is flawless, am in great shape....BUT..... every night i soak my pillow in tears.

You see me outside and wish for my life, you see my pictures on Instagram, facebook, twitter and the likes, and envy me..If only you knew.

Why do i cry you may ask? i should be the happiest woman on planet earth..because i am lucky..Well, that's what most of my friends say...If only they knew.

I am married to the most loving man in the world, but its not me he loves.He loves his money. Yes..he lavishes me with money, but his presence is absent.

I married my friend, but she's not my lover

Bonjour a tous..as the french say it.

I realized recently that a lot of people follow my blog postings 'Nicodemusly'..they read but they don't comment.

 My prayer is that..'God will touch your fingers to type a comment from your keyboard'! Amen.

Some of my critics have told me this blog is feminist. They say i always write from a feminine perspective, well i can't help it. Can I? Its just natural for me to tilt towards the feminine angle when writing. However, this post is from a man's point of view.

I do have a couple of male friends, and recently while gisting, one of them complained to me about how his wife is his best friend but not his lover (My jaw dropped). Trust me i started poking him to give me more information, knowing fully well that i would write about it. So here's the full gist.

You call it Modernization, I call it Infidelity

Recently i read a story on one of the soft sell Magazines about a married woman who was seeking advice from people regarding her marriage. What i gathered from the gist is that, her husband is a political agent, and a consequence of his hob-nobbing in the corridor of power is that he is seldom at home. He travels most weekends to attend to Political engagements, and even when he is in town, he gets home in the early hours of the day and jets out just before noon.

Further on in the story she stated how she met the man on one of her sojourns at those political parties, and how when they just got married, life was rosy. She is seeking advice from the public because during one of those lonely nights without her husband, she decided to hang out with some of her friends at a popular outdoor place. It was there she met a young man who has capitivated her heart and given her the attention she so desires.

Based on what she wrote, the guy gives her all the time, attention and showers her with love.He buys her gifts and takes her out to exotic restuarants, visits her at home and takes her kids to the park. Infact her kids have come to know him as 'uncle'. Ofcourse, without being told, it is obvious she shares her matrimonial bed with him, and from the look of things she has fallen head over heels in Love.

Her dilenma, should she leave her husband to be with this new-found love, or shoud she continue with the clandestine relationship? Seeing that her husband is not even aware of such happenings. He doesnt seem to give a damn, and she suspects he has his numerous concubines who keep him company in his so-called 'political meetings'.

First of all, she turned to her friends, and as they say 'Birds of the same feather flock together', her friends have told her to carry on with the relationship. Stating that she can eat her cake and have it. Her husband provides her with the money to enjoy the luxurious lifestyle, and her #TOYBOY like a friend put it, provides her the the TLC she needs to put body and soul together. Her friends have made her to understand that 'this is modern times'. In these times, Men can cheat and Women can cheat also. They call is 'Modernization'.

She needs our advice..so here is my advice to dear Mrs...its not Modernization, its pure Infidelity. And as an african woman, the bedrock of the home, it is a taboo. Our culture does not allow it, Christianity does not approve of it, and am sure Islam doesnt either. Your husband may be cheating, but that doesnt mean you should cheat, becuase when you do you welcome evil into your home.

Also, before she married him she knew his lifestyle, she attended those political parties with him. She enjoyed it then, do you really think he was going to change because he married you? Common.......

Thats my candid advice..no mincing words..

My readers, what's your take?

The Jealousy of Marriage

Oooh i love him, his the best thing that has ever happened to me...so she says.
She's very excited at his proposal.Who wouldnt? I mean, a man gives you a car key to a new Range Rover Envogue, and says "Will you marry me, Tesa?".... Would you say no?

Those were the words of Bimpe, Tesa's closest friend.

Bimpe came to me, fuming with pure jealousy and envy at her friend's recent engagement. Am amazed at such jealousy and i challenge her.
"Bimpe, are you jealous of Tesa?" ..Me... Jealous? How can i be? why would you even say that..why would i be jealous of that girl?

With that statement i am fully convinced that Bimpe is jealous of Tesa....and that brings me to the topic..The Jealousy of Marriage.

I write convincingly about this topic because, not once , twice or thrice have i seen or experienced such jealousy amongst friends..especially when the least-expected of the pack of girls gets engaged or married.

Does this happen with guys? Someone please tell me.

The sad part of this trend is that, such relationships generally degenerate further into pure enmity. But why? shouldn't your friend's wedding mean that yours is at the door? Or shouldn't your friend's wedding bring an opportunity to sow a seed for your marriage? As the bible says"Whatever you sow, you shall reap".

Stop hating girls..embrace the fact that your friend is getting hitched..and just maybe your own man is lurking at that wedding..lolll...

Keeping Up with the Naija trend 1

I know a whole lot of you would laugh off your seats just by the title of my post. I am also laughing my lungs out just by this title, its very interesting to me, howbeit true.

I just found a new hobby, which is reading up naija's entertainment gossip, and whoa its so interesting. I couldn't believe my eyes, or should i say my ears. The gossips, the gist, the trends, the tweets simply entertaining!

As entertaining as it is, one trend gets me worried, and that is the wave of Nollywood actresses snatching each others husband. Clearly, Nollywood is walking in the footsteps of Hollywood.

But why, not that i expect them to be highly moral, neither do i expect them to be role models (actually they are) but i just expect them to live up to expectations. Its most disheartening, when some of them, who i thought are decent( in my view) would be the gist of the husband-snatching saga.

Now, my own query is, what do they do with the words they hear in church? There's a particular actress and songstress who is the main character of my gist.. Although, am not particularly a fan of Nollywood, i still have a few i have a soft spot for which includes this lady, and am aware that she is christian. So dear actress, why would you snatch another woman's husband? i thought you go to church, is your action Christ-like? You've been married before, so you understand the dynamics of marriage, why are you causing pain to a fellow sister and actress?

Its sucha  pain and a sham what societal marriage is turning to, obviously religious and cultural values are been lost. What a pity

To other naija gist, another trend in the Nigerian entertainment industry is "babymamaing"..lol. Its not like women didnt use to have children for other men, but it just to be "old-school" kinda thing. To my dismay, its in the "in" thing, with young pretty ladies opting to be "babymamas" for entertainers. Hmm....na wa oooo...all these end time things..

Finally, another trending topic is " Lekki Wives" a new naija drama, following the lives and conditions of five women living, visiting and working in highbrow Lekki axis of Lagos. I knew it wouldn't be long before these imported reality shows become a trend in naija. But how well can this depict the real lives of the so called lekki wives? How will this impact on our society, some of these women are married..how will it impact on their marriage, their relationship with their spouses and kids...i wonder...i wait in anticipation to see what becomes of it..

Why Do Married Women Cheat?

During the course of the last week, i read about a recent worldwide survey by a condom-producing company that suggested that Nigerian women are the most promiscuous in the world. At first, i brushed aside the news thinking to myself that such news was irrelevant to my life. Some days later the same news resurfaced again on the dailies of a Nigerian newspaper, this time they were stating their own opinion of the survey. As a matter of fact, they carried out their own survey among Nigerian women, and the results were amazing. Upon reading the response of the survey conducted by this newspaper, i concluded that although Nigerian women are not the most promiscuous, promiscuity has risen in Nigeria. Especially among the married folks (men and women alike). I decided to throw this topic to some friends, lo and behold ,a heated argument began. As i write this piece, the argument is ongoing.

I was under the impression that the result of the survey conducted by the condom-producing company was unfair to Nigerian women. I mean, are these women not the wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, aunties in our society?

I decided to take it upon myself to do a little research, as to find out why married folks cheat and more specifically, why married women cheat. Here are just a few of the reasons i discovered.

Lack of satisfactory sex
Contrary to popular belief that women do not like sex....a lot of women love sex, and they appreciate good satisfactory sex with their spouse. When that satisfaction is not there, due to one reason or the other, then some women decide to seek it outside their matrimonial home. This unsatisfactory sex could be due to factors such as; premature ejaculation, lack of communication in the bedroom, painful sex with spouse, boring sex etc.


Lack of emotional Connection
Ask yourself the question, what connects me to my spouse? Some call it Love, some say its 'chemistry'..whatever you call it, that emotional connection plays a big role in sexual desire and satisfaction. Its that connection, that makes your spouse attractive to you, its that connection that makes you go the extra mile in making him or her happy. If that connection is gone, then she probably would look for that connection elsewhere. That 'elsewhere' may be a colleague in the office, a long lost boyfriend, a guy she meets at the shopping mall etc. The list of the possible new guy is endless. Remember, women emotional beings.

Revenge/Pay-back time
This is the most common reason why women cheat on their husbands. She feels betrayed when her husband cheats on them, especially if he consistently and continually cheats on her. So she feels that the only way to get back at him, or to reduce the hurt she feels is sleeping with some other man. What she forgets is that, this does not reduce the pain she feels, if at all it adds to the pain. 
No too wrongs make a right, and as a woman of virtue, such should not be the response to a cheating husband.

I know there are more reasons why women cheat on their husbands,your comments and suggestions are highly welcomed.

My take on the whole cheating matter is that, a woman should be a virtuous woman as the bible says in Proverbs 31 v 10-31.

Hope to hear from you soon...cheers

One Love

I married a Cheat.....

Hello my people,

Am  back again on your computer or phone screen with a story that is captivating.I sincerely hope you'll like this piece, and your contributions would pour in like a stream.

Two Saturdays ago, i went to the salon to make myself beautiful for him and I (giggles)
You would agree wth me, that women spend alot of time trying to look more attractive. We always    seek to have our partners commend on how we look. Even men, want the recommendations and nice compliments about their looks( As a woman, learn to compliment your husband..he might not ask for it, but he likes it.ahahhahhh!)

I am not going to bore you with what hairstyle i made or if i left the salon pleased or not, but am going to tell you about a jist i heard from one of the ladies in the salon.

Actually, it started as an eavesdrop(pardon me, but i have a ear for jist), but after a while when i couldnt bear it anymore i asked the storyteller if i could say my opinion, of which she gladly accepted.

Before i start my story, let me remind you my readers, that my suggestions are solely based on a christian perspective and my respect for the institution called marriage.

The story as narrated by the storyteller goes thus(the names have been changed );

Sheri is a christian lady who got married to Bayo in 2008. They got married at a popular anglican church in Lagos, Nigeria and their wedding was the talk of  town.

Sheri met Bayo went she joined the choir of this church after her NYSC in 2007. Upon joining the choir, it didnt take long before Sheri got noticed due to her sonorous voice. On one of the choir practice days, Bayo walked up to her and introduced himself. From then on, they became friends, and before long, Lovers. To God be the glory, they got married and life was rosy until ......

The snag of this marriage was that unknown to Sheri, Bayo is a prolific cheat. Not less than 3 months after their marriage, sheri noticed that Bayo kept late nights in the name of one meeting at work or the other. He also gave excuses of church programs and choir practice. The irony of the story is that, after marriage, Bayo had stopped Sheri from being part of the choir.

The unfolding of the marriage, brought tears into Sheri's eyes, as in no time Bayo's numerous girlfriends started calling the house to report their pregnancies. On a fateful day, Sheri decided to confront Bayo, and to her surprise, he admitted to having 3 girlfriends, 2 of which are in the choir in church. He also admitted that he has a weakness for women, and he had been trying to find a solution.
He said he thought getting married would help him stop his womanising, but it hasnt.

He pleaded with Sheri, that he loves her, but she should please bear with him.

Sheri, totally heart-broken broke down in tears and cried. She said she was ready to do all in her power to help him break the addiction of  'womanising', and with prayers she was sure they would overcome it.

That was 3 years ago, as of present, Bayo has introduced not less than 5 women to Sheri as 'friends', and to make matters worse, even the pastor cannot do anything about it.
Sheri presently has 1 child for Bayo, but she is unhappy. What should she do?

I found this story very interesting, and it prompted me to ask questions. I asked a couple of friends who are married, both male and female. The responses i got were shocking:

A lot of married women said they knew their husbands cheat, and they have stopped bothering themselves.

The biggest shocker i got was when a guy i spoke to,said his wife cheats on him, but he doesnt know what to do about it. He said he has prayed and he has sought counselling from his pastor.

Upon hearing these stories, i thought it wise to discuss with you. What do you think about this?

Based on the Bible, Marriage is man + wife = 1. Not man + wife + girlfriends = 1.

Marriage should be built on trust, faithfulness and fidelity. Sheri needs the hand of God in her marriage. That marriage should be built on God. and as for Bayo, he needs to surrender to God. There's no addiction too big for God.