Why Do People Change After Saying 'I Do'

Hi Dearies,


Have you ever wondered, why it is that your spouse or partner seem to have changed after marriage?
.

Recently i heard a story of man who said his wife used to be the bubbly, loving romantic type until they got married, after marriage she became cold and unloving.

I have also heard many women complain about their husband not been as loving, sensitive and caring as he was before they got married.

Its like before marriage the guy is a friend, easy going, not bossy, accepts all things, always ready to compromise etc..but soon after they say 'I Do' he becomes bossy, master of the home, Goliath-like, not willing to compromise, commanding etc.

So I ask myself the question, what CHANGES after saying I DO?

What makes the man change, or what makes the woman change? So after much pondering, and a few consultations with married friends, i have come to the conclusion that, PRETENCE is a culprit.

Mind you, i didn't say, PRETENCE is THE culprit. Because, i believe there are so many other reasons. But for the purpose of this post, i will only write about PRETENCE

So how does PRETENCE contribute to the changes after the wedding ceremony? If a woman or man is not real to his/wife partner while dating or courting then what you have is PRETENCE. So what is PRETENCE? To answer this question let us look at these scenarios;

a. PRETENCE is when you accept a lifestyle you would not naturally accept because you don't want to loose a man/woman e.g. As a woman, your man smokes or drinks and you don't like it. Instead of addressing the issue,you go ahead to marry him, hoping he would change.

b. PRETENCE is when you refuse to get angry or show your anger when your partner does something that naturally would anger you. e.g. He keeps you waiting for over 1 hour for a date. You are very angry, but when he shows up, you mask it up with a smile and you don't let him know you are not happy about it.

c. PRETENCE is when you try to please a woman at all cost, even to your detriment eg. You cant afford to buy that new iPhone for your girlfriend, because it would dent your pocket. But you go ahead to buy her the phone, and such other gifts, even though you cant really afford it. So after marriage, she asks for such gifts, and then you turn her down. Do you think she would understand?

d. PRETENCE is when while dating a lady you always eat out, because she doesn't like to cook. Meanwhile, as a man, you prefer home cooked meals. You marry her and expect a Miracle?

The list is endless....am sure a whole lot of us know one or two scenarios that fit.

So imagine, after dating/courting in PRETENCE, then you get married. Of course, you cant keep the charade for long.  The man who likes home made '*Amala with Ewedu Soup' will show his true color.

The woman who is naturally lazy, but was forming 'hardworking..i-can-do-it-all mentality' will also show her true self.

Or the lady who is prim and very neat, but goes ahead to marry a guy who is scattered and clumsy, all in the name of marriage will eventually get fed-up with his clumsy attitude. Definitely she will start getting irritated and upset.

All these people will show their true color, and their respective others will say..Oh HE has CHANGED, or Oh SHE has CHANGED..

Common people, lets be real..I mean no need to hide your true self from your partner. If S/He loves you, s/he would accept you for who you are. Irrespective. Isn't that what love is all about.


Do you agree or disagree with me? Please share your thoughts.

Thanks for dropping bye..One Love!!!


picture credits: google
*Amala with EweduSoup is a nigerian meal, made with yam flour and corchorus leaves

SUNDAY POST: WINNING IS A SWEET FEELING

Hello Dearies,

How was your weekend? Did you WIN?

I am soooo excited to announce to you that my favorite contestant...Yes!! that handsome dude that looks like my husband. That dude i wrote about last week, who has an enchanting voice..Yes ! GEOFFREY...WONNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!! HURRAY!!!!!

He won #MTNProjectFame 7.0..and am a part of his success because i voted for him. Yippiiee..

It sure feels very good and sweet to WIN. He made my Sunday Wow!!!!
I know his life has just entered a different level...'Levels don change o'

So you may be wondering, 'what's her own?' well....am just sharing in his joy, and celebrating the success of someone who took a step towards achieving his dreams.

Imagine, if he had not entered for the Project Fame Competition, he would most likely still be at home, nursing ambition, and waiting for miracle to happen. Thank God he saw his miracle-opportunity and took it.

My #SuccessAdviceforthisweek is: Take a step towards your dream and desires this week. Its never too late or too early.

On another note, i also received a gift..something very important and dear to my heart. God provided it for me miraculously. Yipeee!!!!

Anyways, i got to go...thanks for dropping by.

One Love!!!

SUNDAY POST: EVERY DAY IS A CHANCE- Geoffrey Oji (Project Fame 7.0)

Happy Sunday Y'all

So this Sunday, I did not go to church but i was tremendously blessed.

First of all, the fact that I didn’t go to church did not deter me from having service in my house. After all, the Bible says where 2 or 3 are gathered. So myself and family members (4 of us ) had church in the house. We did praise and worship, shared the word and prayed. (Oh we forgot to take offering). Now in the midst of this I got a personal revelation about my relationship with God. “Seek Ye first the kingdom of God and its righteousness and ALL other things shall be added..so I have decided to SEEK….

Secondly, I also took out time to go visit a friend. Friends are angels like one of my friends said, especially when you have good friends. We had a good time chatting and exchanging laughs

Thirdly, there is this TV show I am addicted to..PROJECT FAME!!! Oh My, I love that show…thumbs up to MTN for such tremendous work. I must say #ProjectFame is the best TV Musical reality show in Nigeria. 

So on the show today I watched the various contestants perform their own songs and I was exceptionally touched by Ugo’s Rain on Me, and MOST exceptionally BLOWN AWAY by Geoffrey’s EVERY DAY IS A CHANCE…Oh my, the guy always blows my mind. Not only is he handsome (Like my hubby), he also has an amazing voice. 

Personally he is my favourite, and I do vote for him. 

I also have a special fondness for Clement as well, he is my second favorite contestant.

So back to Geoffrey’s Message… I don’t know but messages like this always get to me. He said 'everyday is a chance..give to someone and give to me….. '

His message was to touching, and very apt for the present day. Like Ms Bibi Brew said...its a positive message. So that's the picture of Geoffrey. He is a Nigerian living and schooling in Ghana. He is from Benue state. 

During the week , they had surprise visits from their family and friend, and his mum visited him. I appreciate the fact that he asked his mum to pray for him there. I mean, he knelt down and asked his mum to pray for him. Wow!!...such positivism and spirituality is commendable.

So finally, i had a good Sunday

, i was blessed spiritually, musically and emotionally too.

Hope you enjoyed your Sunday as well.

Thanks for dropping by

One Love!!!

Picture source: MTN Project Fame West Africa

How Teetee's Getting her Groove Back!!

So, those who know me well,will tell you that I like yanga...and truly i do. My sister will tell you stories of how i used to try on her heels when i was about 8, and how i would do fashion parade with my friend and neighbour at about 6 years of age.

Sincerely, now am certain that if i had paid close attention to myself, i should have studied something relating to fashion... Anyways, so prior to pregnancy i had this beautiful figure..the kind you can call figure 8..then came the pregnancy and then...

Fast forward to now, i have lost over 80% of my pregnancy weight, but am still not there yet.
So i advised myself, that the best way to loose the weight is through exercise. Thanks to my dear friend Chichi who lives very close to me, and is also a keep-fit kind of person, i started working out.

Below are pictures of me during our workout last Saturday Morning

Naturally am not a slim shady, rather i would classify myself as a woman with curves...but after childbirth, i found out the curves where becoming too much...so i had to get myself together for some workout.

Mind you, asides exercise, am also on a diet...i try as much as possible to avoid junk food. I also avoid eating after 8pm.

So that's how am getting my groove back. Oh before i forget here's a pix of me last Friday...4 months post pregnancy. Don't i look fly...*hehehehe*

Got to go...thanks for stopping by
One Love!!!!

Hey! Stop for a Minute..and Show Some Love

This post is inspired by Joan Rivers..May her soul rest in peace

My husband would testify to the fact the Fashion Police is one of my best TV shows. He knows that he can't change the channel when am watching Fashion Police. I love the show because of her comic and caustic analysis of celebrity fashion. 

So real was she, that she was never afraid or ashamed to throw jabs at herself.

However, what prompted me to write this post was when I watched the tribute to her on E, and I learnt about her philanthropic side. 

She founded a non-profit organization called 'God’s Love We Deliver', which started out by giving food to people living with HIV/AIDS in New York.

I was so touched by how seriously she devoted herself to that cause. So much so, that she donated her prize money at Donald Trump’s The Apprentice to the organization, which has now grown to provide food for people living with other diseases.

This got me thinking…and i asked myself the question? have I shown love to the less priviledged in recent times? I mean, if Joan could take time out of her very busy life to devote herself to such a cause, then what am I doing? apparently, am not as busy as she is.

Some may say 'Oh she’s got the money for such a feat'. Or you may say, 'am still hustling', when I ‘hammer’ I will donate. Well…you don’t need to have or own the whole world before you can give. I believe even in your down time, there’s someone who is worse off than you.

So hey! stop for a minute and show some love to someone around you. You may not be able to start an NGO, but look around you, there will be someone who will appreciate a little love. It may be your gateman, that woman that sells ‘boli’, or your office cleaner.

So dearies, in the midst of our hustle..lets stop and make a difference in someone’s life.

Adieu Joan Rivers…Inspector General of Fashion Police.

One Love!!!

Jollof Rice + Moi-moi + Grilled Fish by IT Chef

This is a feature post by my friend IT Chef who likes to cook, she's always cooking 'orisirisi' delicacy, and as a food lover i wish we were neighbors. Hehehe..... if we were neighbors ehn, am sure i will be doing 'ojukokoro' lol. It brings to memory those times as a kid, when the aroma from your neighbors kitchen sip into your house, and you're like...why cant mummy cook like that?...Hahaha....well that never happened to me. My mum is a very good cook. (her head will be sswelling if she reads this).

Back to the foodies. Lets begin

a. Grilled Fish

-select any fish of choice
-clean and slice diagonally
-in a bowl mix your spices ( i used cameroonian pepper, lime or tangerine, basil, salt, curry, fresh persil, black pepper, garlic and grated onions)
-slice the sides of your fish and fill up with mixed spices
-squeeze some tangerine/lime for extra flavor
-rub the spices on the outside of the fish
-allow to marinate for at least 10 minutes

-heat your oven and using a brush apply olive oil (or any oil of choice) on the grill
-close the oven and allow to heat up
-the same way, using a brush gently brush some oil on the fish and place in the grill
-avoid placing fish too close to the fire
-grill eat side for 10 minutes each.
-Voila! our fish is ready





b.Moi-moi

-peel beans, wash and blend
-add tomatoes, fresh pepper, garlic and onions into the blender
-blend till you get a smooth paste.
-mix in the remnant of your mixed spices used for the fish
-tie in little nylons using your preferred measurements
 (you can also use bean cake cups or moimoi leaves)
-cook for 20 mins or unti moimoi is cooked





c. Jollof Rice
-Use any stock of choice (chicken, fish, goat meat, turkey etc). I used
fish stock
-bring to fire
-add 2 spoons of tomato paste, squeeze in a whole lemon
-allow to cook for 5 minutes
-in another pot, pour in blended fresh tomatoes, pepper and onions
-fry with a little olive oil (Olive Oil is very good for your health) till cooked
-Add tin tomato if you wish
-Pour in your stock
-allow to cook for 5 minutes
-Put in a handful of salt in raw rice and wash with cold water
-when fried tomatoes is ready
-Pour in rice and allow to cook for 10 minutes
-When the rice is half cooked, and water almost completely dried
-Turn down the heat and cover pot with a thick nylon
-Cover pot with lid and cook for another 10 minutes
-Sprinkle Persil on top to add flavour

Voila Jollof rice is ready...

To serve
-Dish some rice, add moimoi by the side, and your grilled fish

Happy eating....you can spice it up with a glass of fresh juice, zobo drink or kunu.

HAPPY EATING!!!!

(*i remember that song by Mike Okri..*singing*..dodo ati riceee ko gbo do ko ja , wa jeun jeun jeun, wa gba odo roboto)

Getting Your Mumjo Back .Part III

Hello Dearies,

Another weekend is around the corner, and as i always preach, try to pamper yourself this weekend. Ensure you rest, and do something to enhance your looks. As mothers, we need to REST well, so we can be energized for our job role (Motherhood is a full time job). Our skin also needs the rest to heal itself.

So lets get back to our MUMJO gist. Like i promised on the last post, today am going to share some natural remedies which help ME to regain my skin tone and smoothen my skin.
Like i said on my first post, am a sticker for NATURAL REMEDIES, although slow to act, the results however, are lasting and without side effects.

I started getting interested in natural remedies from a very early age, and over time, i have found so many recipes that can be used for different skin issues.

Here are a few of my recipes

1. Tomato Juice/Scrub
 Yes, the same tomato you use to make your stew, is VERY good for your skin. It contains lycopene, which is an anti-oxidant that helps to heal the skin, and reduce signs of ageing.

Tomato Juice
1.Slice your tomato in 2 and squeeze out the juice on your palm.
2.Apply this juice on your face and all over your body.
3.Leave for about 15 minutes and wash off with lukewarm water.
4. Pat dry with a clean towel

Tomato Scrub
1. Blend 2 fruits of tomato in a blender with very little water. (Please do not add pepper o)
2. Scoop into a bowl, and add 5 tablespoons of sugar.
3. Apply on face and massage in circular motions
4. Wash off with warm water.
5. Pat dry with a clean towel, and apply a moisturizer (Olive Oil)

Tomato Juice helps to clear spots, reduce acne and gives you a smoother, even tone complexion. For better results you can apply the tomato juice on a daily basis.

You can apply the tomato scrub 2-3 times a week, as this helps to EXFOLIATE (remove dead skin cells).


2. Olive Oil Sugar Scrub

Actually i need to mention, that sugar is a natural exfoliator, hence whenever you see sugar in a remedy, it is always used as a scrub. Olive Oil is loaded with ANTIOXIDANTS and Vitamins A and E. It is especially good for people with dry skin.

Simply applying olive oil on your skin can help your skin regain its tone.

Olive Oil Scrub
1. Pour 2 tablespoons of  olive oil into a clean bowl
2. Add 3 tablespoons of sugar
3. Apply on face and massage in circular motions
4. Leave for 5 minutes
5. Wash off with warm water
6. Pat dry with a clean towel.

Believe me when i tell you that, you would see the IMMEDIATE effect of this scrub, as your skin will be smoother, supple and glowing. This remedy is one of my favorite. i use it almost every week.

Note: You can store the leftover Olive scrub, by covering the bowl with a lid, and reuse as often as you deem necessary.

I have other remedies which can be used to LIGHTEN your complexion, REDUCE wrinkle lines etc, but i would only be sharing them upon request by you, my readers.

So if you have any special areas you need help..HOLLA at me. If i have solution, i'll provide it.

Don't forget to drop your comments and/or questions.

Thanks for dropping by...One Love !!!