Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Why Do People Change After Saying 'I Do'

Hi Dearies,

Have you ever wondered, why it is that your spouse or partner seem to have changed after marriage?

Recently i heard a story of man who said his wife used to be the bubbly, loving romantic type until they got married, after marriage she became cold and unloving.

I have also heard many women complain about their husband not been as loving, sensitive and caring as he was before they got married.

Its like before marriage the guy is a friend, easy going, not bossy, accepts all things, always ready to compromise etc..but soon after they say 'I Do' he becomes bossy, master of the home, Goliath-like, not willing to compromise, commanding etc.

So I ask myself the question, what CHANGES after saying I DO?

What makes the man change, or what makes the woman change? So after much pondering, and a few consultations with married friends, i have come to the conclusion that, PRETENCE is a culprit.

Mind you, i didn't say, PRETENCE is THE culprit. Because, i believe there are so many other reasons. But for the purpose of this post, i will only write about PRETENCE

So how does PRETENCE contribute to the changes after the wedding ceremony? If a woman or man is not real to his/wife partner while dating or courting then what you have is PRETENCE. So what is PRETENCE? To answer this question let us look at these scenarios;

a. PRETENCE is when you accept a lifestyle you would not naturally accept because you don't want to loose a man/woman e.g. As a woman, your man smokes or drinks and you don't like it. Instead of addressing the issue,you go ahead to marry him, hoping he would change.

b. PRETENCE is when you refuse to get angry or show your anger when your partner does something that naturally would anger you. e.g. He keeps you waiting for over 1 hour for a date. You are very angry, but when he shows up, you mask it up with a smile and you don't let him know you are not happy about it.

c. PRETENCE is when you try to please a woman at all cost, even to your detriment eg. You cant afford to buy that new iPhone for your girlfriend, because it would dent your pocket. But you go ahead to buy her the phone, and such other gifts, even though you cant really afford it. So after marriage, she asks for such gifts, and then you turn her down. Do you think she would understand?

d. PRETENCE is when while dating a lady you always eat out, because she doesn't like to cook. Meanwhile, as a man, you prefer home cooked meals. You marry her and expect a Miracle?

The list is endless....am sure a whole lot of us know one or two scenarios that fit.

So imagine, after dating/courting in PRETENCE, then you get married. Of course, you cant keep the charade for long.  The man who likes home made '*Amala with Ewedu Soup' will show his true color.

The woman who is naturally lazy, but was forming 'hardworking..i-can-do-it-all mentality' will also show her true self.

Or the lady who is prim and very neat, but goes ahead to marry a guy who is scattered and clumsy, all in the name of marriage will eventually get fed-up with his clumsy attitude. Definitely she will start getting irritated and upset.

All these people will show their true color, and their respective others will say..Oh HE has CHANGED, or Oh SHE has CHANGED..

Common people, lets be real..I mean no need to hide your true self from your partner. If S/He loves you, s/he would accept you for who you are. Irrespective. Isn't that what love is all about.

Do you agree or disagree with me? Please share your thoughts.

Thanks for dropping bye..One Love!!!

picture credits: google
*Amala with EweduSoup is a nigerian meal, made with yam flour and corchorus leaves


  1. Recently we had a similar discussion among men, I can only say that if you do not love someone only time will tell the truth will come out.Cheers from Buckinghamshire

  2. Hello mami....I add to add your blog to my list so that I know when you got an update....mami...people don't change after 'I do's'.....people attach sooooo much to the 'I do's'...there is a difference mamacita...

  3. @Erniesha..you're right..a lot of people attach so much to marriage such that there would do anything to get into it, eve loosing their real identities. thanks mami

  4. I agree with your opinion of it all. But sometimes carelessness also causes it. Either of the couple feels too comfortable and carelessly neglect some of the things that causes a spark between them before, and then the change factor begins to set in.


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